School Refusal and Anxiety: 7 Strategies to Support Your Child

Another morning running late… your child is refusing school yet again and your fed up!

It’s not unusual for kids to have the odd morning where they just don’t want to go to school. We’ve all had days where getting up and ready to go can feel like a drag. But when reluctance turns into regular refusal, shrouded by anxiety, distress, or even physical symptoms, this is a clear sign of something potentially more serious. This is often referred to as school refusal.

What is School Refusal?

School refusal isn’t about being “naughty” or “lazy”. It’s a complex emotional response, often driven by anxiety, stress, or difficulty coping with certain aspects of the school environment. Children experiencing school refusal may:

• Complain of headaches, stomach aches, or nausea before school.

• Cry, cling, or have meltdowns in the morning.

• Worry excessively about schoolwork, friendships, or safety.

• Make excuses for why school is boring or not for them.

• Avoid talking about school altogether.

  
  

School refusal can be displayed by children of all ages and if left unaddressed, can impact learning, friendships, and self-esteem.

Why Does It Happen?

There’s no single cause, but common triggers include:

• Separation anxiety (especially in younger children).

• Academic pressures or fear of failure.

• Social difficulties, bullying, or friendship changes.

• Changes at home (family illness, split-home, moving house).

• Sensory or learning differences making school feel overwhelming.

• A child therapist can often unveil other deeper causes.

Strategies for Parents

While school refusal can feel daunting, there are ways to support your child and help them return to regular attendance. Here’s some of our practical tips:

1. Listen First, Problem-Solve Second

   
   

   Start with calm, non-judgemental conversations. Let your child explain what’s worrying them. Validate their feelings, try seeing it from their level.  Remember everything seems so much bigger through a child’s eye.

   
   

2. Work with the School

   
   

   Teachers, school counsellors, and wellbeing teams can be allies. They deal with this on the daily! Share what’s happening at home and brainstorm ways to ease the transition back to class.

   
   

3. Keep Routines Consistent

   
   

   Maintain regular bedtimes, wake times, and morning routines. Predictability can help reduce anxiety.

   
   

4. Create a Child-friendly Step-by-Step Plan

   
   

   Gradual re-entry works better than forcing full days straight away. For example, start with attending a favourite subject, then build up from there. Kids also like visual prompts so think about using picture cards showing them what’s coming up next.

   
   

5. Teach Anxiety Management Skills

   
   

   Breathing exercises, mindfulness apps, and calming activities can help kids regulate their emotions before and during school. Even a story book can make all the difference!

   
   

6. Celebrate Small Wins

   
   

   Recognise each step forward, even if it’s just making it to the school gate. Positive reinforcement encourages progress.

   
   

7. Look After Yourself Too

   
   

   Supporting a child through school refusal can be emotionally exhausting. Make sure you have your own supports in place and be gentle with yourself.

When to Seek Extra Help?

If school refusal is ongoing, intense, or impacting your child’s wellbeing or your own, it’s important to seek professional support. Early intervention is key to addressing underlying issues and cutting through the noise.

We’re here to help. If your child is struggling with school anxiety or refusal, reach out for a confidential chat. Together, we can create a plan that supports your child’s emotional health and gets them back on track with learning. NFYS is the GO-TO for your family wellbeing needs, call now on 04499784215 or email admin@nfys.com.au